My track (critiques welcome)

[god himself]

First off I don't care what you say I won't/can't give you a good kicking.

Honesty is appreciated......


This was recorded to a camera mic just jamming round so i'm not worried about guitar sound.

What parts sound good? what parts should I cut? Should I flag it and start again? any lyrical ideas?

Any comments would be appreciated.

[sambrowne]

Hi God, here are my thoughts.

Guitar is out of tune throughout which kind of brings it down a bit!

Intro goes for far too long and ending on the root note is very anti-climactic. Perhaps make the fourth note the 3rd again. The idea is sound but the execution hasn't worked that well. If you don't know what I'm talking about, using the four notes that you shift around over the first chord, go first note, second note, third note and then back to first note instead of a different fourth note. The fourth note is the root and is not really effective when you're strumming away on the root chord for ages.

The little riff you start at about 1 minute is a really nice idea, but out of tune sounds a bit unpleasant. Don't be discouraged, just tune your bloody guitar next time!

The little riff over the descending chords at 1.35 to 2 minutes is really cool. A bit messy but the idea is cool and works well.

Guitar solo shows a heap of promise especially in terms of creativity. You sound like someone who does not learn other people's solos and so have got your own thing beginning to happen. I was like that for a long time too, still am really, and in the long run it will serve you better than just aping the greats (says someone who can't play EVH or Vai stuff, so make of that what you will). A combination of doing your own stuff and learning from the top guitarists around is probably the way to go but for now you've got the start of some great ideas there.

The overall problem is that the song doesn't really go anywhere in a lot of parts. Think about breaking the structure up a bit, from the listener's point of view, with maybe a verse, chorus and middle eight. Or perhaps just several verses in a row but with some "movement" to the chords you're using. You got this happening at 1.35 but that's just one part - the rest of the song needs this movement too.

[Basket Case]

The best part is at 1.27.

You should try again with your guitar tuned properly. To be honest (and you wanted honesty right?) bad tuning and intonation undermines any good ideas you have.

If you could get some drums together for it, it would help listeners to get more of an idea of how you intend it to sound. I think musicians sometimes come up with basic ideas but have a much bigger picture in mind that others can't necessarily appreciate until it's provided for them- if you get what I mean.

Whatever you do, don't give up!

*edit- yeah- what Sam said!

[god himself]

Cheers!

Ok checklist time:

Tuning/clean up playing
Variety in the chords
refine structure for desired effect
track some drums

Will give it a redo and repost!

Thanks again

[Tsuken]

for what it's worth, I'd just support what the others have said: there are some cool ideas in there, but tuning and structure have let them down. Definitely keep working on it though, and I look forward to hearing a refined version

[Bg]

Yeah sorry mate, the tuning killed it for me, I had to switch off

[god himself]

Hey

Yeah should probably tune next time


Here's another further along in the development chain... also again some sloppy playing as I just wanted to get the idea across.

honest critiques welcome again

[Zaulkin]

I agree with the others,

For the first recording:

Structure,
Tuning,
Variety in chords...
and dynamics - That's just my opinion though. I just felt I needed to breathe in amongst the awesomeness if you know what I mean. There were some changes at the beginning and the end but I wanted to hear more dynamics in the middle too.

[shinenz]

Umm man, without sounding like Simon from American idol... maybe go back and re record it "better" It has potential, but at the mo it sounds rather twangy, and difficult to listen to the entire track ( which i did)

[god himself]

Umm man, without sounding like Simon from American idol... maybe go back and re record it "better" It has potential, but at the mo it sounds rather twangy, and difficult to listen to the entire track ( which i did)

First song or second?

[shinenz]

First song or second?

First one mate

[god himself]

First song or second?

First one mate

cheers

Yeah I just wanted to know if there was potential somewhere in there.

Thanks for all the comments. Does the refining of the song get easier when you bring the idea to the band?

[shinenz]

Jus listened to the second one, I like it, of course some work here and there, but far better than the first, and i'm sure with some more time it would sound fantastic, great effort dude. Nice work with the lead, suits the song

[god himself]

Jus listened to the second one, I like it, of course some work here and there, but far better than the first, and i'm sure with some more time it would sound fantastic, great effort dude. Nice work with the lead, suits the song

cheers! Will tidy it up in the next month or so!

Its a bitch doing It by yourself, writing wise I can't help but think how much better it would be If elaborated on in a band situation.